Coming Out To My Sista

When I say sister I mean my real sister not any of my dear gay friends :SS or it was going to be a girls night out/in or even a slumber party.

(not that you would find any huge difference between them both)

Anyway for most of my close friends and the people I get to know these days I tend to be open about my sexuality for a lot of reasons

-       I have no other choice hiding it, am not discrete ”God forbid” & people from outer space could tell that am gay (it takes only one minute or even less to figure out the inner diva inside any flaming queen, even if she tried so hard to keep it in)

-       I get attached easily to people (I hate it but it happens) and I hate it more and it hurt when they decide being gay is not acceptable

-       Believe me it hurts even more when some gay people I really don’t wanna know or even to talk with decide you are out (OMFG), 2 much of a self peace you made with yourself for them to understand now

-       I feel it’s better to be disliked for being who you are than to be loved for who you are not

-       I have been always a social butterfly (not a climber one and am sure from that :p “ sorry babe it is not about you” )

-       Being nice with all the gay people I know as I feel if I treated them badly it would somehow a betrayal to my own people ( I could be mean and rude as much as I could – sue me )

-       Loving yourself and making peace with it would make people make peace with you in-return and love you the way you are. ( if you can’t love yourself how the hell you can love somebody else – said Rupaul)

Back to what we were saying - coming out of the closet to some of my family members recently my eldest sister (if not Chanel am so not coming out – Said Kiki)

I was really lucky on this aspect; actually it wasn’t a very hard neither a bad experience for me

-       The start was some of my friends got married to few of my family members, and they are dear friends (straight ones – as much I feel so hard to believe myself saying that) and actually I had no problems dealing with them afterwards neither they do.

-       Long chats with cousins and relatives leads sometimes to the answer of this untold questions, where you would find yourself saying nothing but “Yes am gay live with it :p” or in the middle of the conversation you would find you both talking about gay rights , what else you will be waiting to hear “ safe sex and don’t date Egyptians – Said one of my cousins heheheh”

Most of these conversations if not all were really like ”we love you and we will always love you the way you are no matter what” It feels creepy and weird always when you see them the next time after the coming out conversation, as it feels like second meeting after bad sex and not answering the calls but I could assure it all disappeared once we talked and shacked hands with no kisses/hugs sure this time (apply only with male relatives)

-       I had these conversations about homosexuality and gay rights with my sister all the time and she was all against it and most of the time she was real bitch about it, which made me cry sometimes, felt so uncomfortable around her and around any of my siblings and I was always pushing them away thinking that the less they know about me and the less attached to them, the less anyone will get hurt when they decide not to love me or to hate me for who I am and they do not agree upon.

-       Afterwards she started picking up on everything gay am doing ”anything look or speak gay” once she even told Mom about the rainbow keychain I used to have in my car (poor Mom she thought it is about the bitch word in the medal at the end of the keychain) but thanks to my sister Mom knows now more about gay life more than any gay guy would know about it (Mom was always nice and sweet about everything and these things in particular as she always was replying we shouldn’t talk about these things this way it is not proper-Power of Denial I may say)

-       It was that day when she was talking about raising up her kids and suddenly out of nowhere the gay subject was opened again (euff ba2a)

-       SURPRISE I couldn’t shut my mouth up this time, I couldn’t take it anymore and the next thing I know it was the hell sista am GAY

-       Silence for a while  

-       Surprise I thought she knows already but she didn’t (power of denial again) she cried for like five minutes and at the end she said I love you and nothing is gonna change that silly, she was angry because she felt I was pushing them away because of that.

-       She said any smart or even dump person would collect the pieces and eventually will know that you are gay but for some of us we don’t want to believe it.

-       She told me whoever loves you, will never try to find something to hate you for and whoever is not willing or doesn’t really love you will find some reason to hate you for.

-       I thought it was going to be much more dramatic than this, I wanted my moment when she slap me, I slap her back, she hate me for a while, I hate her and my life for a while back, talk with me again , had another dramatic scene, I cry , she cry , everyone cry but it didn’t happen, I wanted my Egyptian movie but I didn’t got it

-       Am sure one day I will have it with some other story lines but till now am happy really thankful and grateful for what I am and what I have.

Love me more

kiki